Free the Genitals!
We just can’t continue pointing fingers at each other’s genitals — so to speak.
It’s become burdensome, blaming one another’s privates for any number of today’s social ills. The far right wing males (far out, man) are complaining about feminists thinking they have balls — do they ‘think’ they have balls or just ‘act’ like it? And the stretched-too-thin lefties complaining Trump supporters want to castrate them for forcing them to pee with “others” watching. I’m too busy trying to hit the toilet to notice. And the non-binary and the transgender, they’re really complicating things.
Non-binary sounds like a term I learned in geometry class. I love them, but they need a new proper noun.
Steadily, more people are angry and I’m increasingly more confused — and worried bathroom signage will get out of control with all the posted warnings about who can use which fixture with which, ah, equipment. It’s getting so, I’m close to peeing before reaching a urinal for all the required reading.
I’m worried the controversy over restroom behavior has moved beyond words to taking to armed insurrections — as opposed to unarmed erections. Shaking your wiggly at the opposition won’t help matters, though it does a fine job of air-drying the puppy — and saves on changing one’s underwear so frequently. We of the wiggly persuasion have an admitted advantage in this regard. The problem lies with so many wiggly users having poor aim… though I digress.
@Shani Silver posted an article about her getting a nasty crit from a cretin saying she was a ‘worthless c*nt’ for speaking her mind. A Stranger Called Me A “Worthless C*nt” And I’m Inspired I don’t know what one has to do with the other, being at opposite ends of the body, but see, that’s how things are just getting too confusing. I’ve heard a lot of fussing about ‘worthless c*ts’ but what’s to distinguish a worthy one is what I want to know.
Myself, I like them as they are, big, small, puckish… the women, I mean.
It goes back at least as far as Lenny Bruce. His standup bit about the verb ‘to come’ gets right to the heart, er, balls of the matter. And I believe it was George Carlin, in the Seven Dirty Words, who criticized the use of ‘cocksucker’ to mean a rotten man when it’s in truth a very amiable woman — or man, depending on whose fantasy’s involved. But I’m getting off topic again.
We might solve a host of political problems and balance the budget if we just gave up using pronouns altogether. He, she, it, they, them, you name it. All of them need to go. Not all languages have this distinction and I think it’s time we in the States ended it too — the Brits can figure it out on their own.
Next week’s rant will be “Why Can’t Brits Speak the English Language?’
And common nouns while we’re at it: proper nouns only. Donald the Duck Face and Giuliani the Ugly. Instead of rewriting the language, we keep applying patches like Microsoft does for their buggy software.
Speaking of which, who cursed that boy with the name of Tucker? And the dweeb is partial to bow ties, for god’s sake. Rhymes with pucker and I should stop there.
And hers, his, its, ours, theirs. These possessive pronouns help on clarity in an overly — or overtly — wrought novel (eg. engorged with bulging passion, his eyes rolled lovingly across her languorous, lascivious body whilst she moaned to wake the cat… ) but if we got rid of them, it might bring more peace to the tribe and better napping time for the cat.
Another alternative: a limit of one pronoun regardless of sex, quantity, age, skin tone and firmness, you name it. ‘We-uns’ might work. Or ‘us-in’s, perhaps ‘you-ins.’ How about ‘Wejuns’? ‘We-be-ins? Humanoid has too many syllables, and the last syllable should be spelled with a ‘y’ instead of an ‘i.’
Ya’ll has been around for a while, and you all know how polite southerners can be when they want something from you.
Here’s another thought: everybody should get neutered, becoming ‘its.’ And as a side benefit, ‘it’ would help with the population explosion.
And last but not least, return to the dictionary definition for ‘mankind.’ ‘Person-kind’ just sucks, even straining to avoid chauvinistic language — but really, just too many syllables.
